Since the times of Judah Maccabee (Happy Hannukah!), bad ass-ness has been measured by the Beard Scale. As recently as the 1960s however, this simple ratio of length to stature has been flipped. As a beard grows, the man attached loses his ability to attract the opposite sex. This inverse ratio causes countless beards to lose their length every day!
Please, understand that a beard is a marked investment in time and maintenance. It represents patience, hygiene, and dexterity. A beard allows a man to wear his honor on his face where it belongs. Do not attempt to gaze beyond the beard, but rather, look at the beard. Embrace the beard. Nuzzle the beard.
A word on beard maintenance…
Never should a man take a blade to his neck or any other part of his beard. The only acceptable trimming is that of the upper lip. Beyond this, one must let it ride, just as Jesus did (Merry Christmas!).