Fueled by grunting, lifting, and isolated deltoids, the gym’s casually homoerotic atmosphere allows men to turn up their testosterone meters and prove to themselves that the incident during pledge week back in ’98 involving lube, jelly beans, and a bottle of Jack Daniels was just a goddamn accident! Ha ha… Ha?
It is easy to identify and mock the slew of absurd behaviors that exist in the gym, but this author must defer further assaults. Cut sleeves, barbed wire tattoos, sweat bands, shirts resembling unitards, and grunts that would make a Black Bear jealous, are staples of any sweaty man cave. While they may be laughable, at the end of the day, these incriminating choices are the gym goer’s right. They know their nipples are trying to gnaw through their Saran wrapped torsos! The honesty and openness of ego that exists because of the gym is refreshing! So, if you find yourself jonesing for a tighter Under Armour corset, by all means! Work those vocal chords till you’re hoarse! There is no better time to indulge your vanity than among your ripply cohorts.
You know that shirtless guy in front of Abercrombie and Fitch? He’s a douche.